As I recall, I shudder. Last year, close to midnight, Prof Tsakok came into my delivery suite and announced that Ewan shall be born c-sectioned. I teared because we have come this far and I never really prepared myself for the operating theatre. I had always thought this will be a drug-free natural procedure. I started to shiver uncontrollably.
“No cling cling clang clangs please Prof. I am fearful.”
Prof stroked my head and assured me that it will be silent. I.WAS.VERY.SCARED. and thank goodness, it really was silent… except for the anesthetist who kept talking. I was shivering on the table, I couldn’t breathe properly and the lights above me circled in doubles. Seriously, I just wanted him to keep quiet and make me less dizzy. The epidural was too strong and I was fighting to keep myself awake.
I did not take the epidural well at all. So much so, they had to hook me up with an oxygen tank to keep me breathing. I must admit, half of me felt like I was going to die giving birth to Ewan. I’ve managed to tide through the worst of all contractions before succumbing to epidural, hoping it will ease my pain. Unbelievably, I reacted badly to it with all the known side effects. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t feel my tongue and my cheeks, I vomited and I couldn’t stop shivering.
After going through this much, I expect at least to have him born naturally. It was tough news to swallow when I had to be wheeled into the operating theatre. It was a pity I couldn’t dilate even when the midwife burst my water bag. It was also getting frustrating because I could feel Ewan trying to push himself out of me (yea even with the epidural administered) but I just wasn’t able to help him.
When he was born shortly after 1am on 30th May 2012, I heard him cry. My eyes were closed and I wanted so much to drift off to sleep. The nurse carried my little bundle and placed him on my chest, “Oh look! This is your son.” I was so sapped out, I only managed a nod and closed my eyes.
I survived. We survived. Meyer had gone through an emotional roller coaster with me since 28th May 2012 when we first checked into Gleneagles. I wondered how he felt as a new father. It was tough for him to see me suffer like I did. In the middle of a horrible contraction, I said, “I don’t think I can do this again. 1 is enough.” I suddenly saw his face lighted up with relief and replied in joy, “Yes 1 is Enough!”
Pain is an understatement. All mothers should be celebrated on their child’s birthdays for all they’ve been through. When Ewan was brought to us in our room, we felt strangely new as a family but full of pride and love. Happy Birthday son! We love you.
Ewan my son, you’re turning one today.
It’s true that time flies, that we all say.
I remember your first months.
How fragile and small.
Crying your lungs out,
When we didn’t heed your call.
We could only hope for your health,
While you were in mum’s tummy.
What we got in return,
Can never be bought with money!
With your adorable face and easy laughter,
You won all hearts without trying to flatter.
Our lives totally changed when you came around.
What we liked to do, squeezed into what little time found.
Sometimes I think on all my freedom lost,
And start to wonder, if it was worth the cost.
You’ve got nothing to worry about,
For I surprise even myself.
I realise that doing things for you,
Or with you, are a joy in itself.
All in all you’ve been a pretty easy baby.
Only when it comes to sleeping, are you fussy like a lady.
We love you very much Ewan my boy,
As We know from your actions you love us too.
We’ll take all your whines and needy clings,
For as long as you care to do.
Now we come to the next chapter,
In your short but happy story.
It wont be all fun and games,
especially when you’re being naughty.
We’ll do the best we can,
to teach you right from wrong.
But I worry about your stubbornness,
which can be a pro or a con.
I guess we’ll find out one year from now,
When mummy asks this of me again.
Hopefully it’ll be more of the good stuff,
And with very little of the pain.